The Dog
21st August 2006, 19:06
I need a bit of cheering up, I thought the best way of doing that was writing this story about a night out on the piss ( sorry lenny*) with my best mate. I'm feeling better already.
sitting around with not much to do on a sat night, looked over at my mate and said "wouldn't mind having a few beers tonight". He replied "sweet, I will drive cause I don't feel like drinking". All Set.........
We get to the night club and bumped into half of greater Sunshine, so all the lads from highschool and all likely characters were there! My mate got a little too excited, he was into his 4th beer after about 45 minutes. I noticed this and knew straight away that it would be me that was driving home. Sure enough 10 minutes later he throws me the keys and that was that.
It is now 3 in the morning and I am dog tired. I approached my mate and said, "C'mon, dickhead time to go..."
He had two beers in his hands, he looked down at his beers and then looked back at me, he asked me to hold on to them, I did this and was met with the biggest open hand slap ever. It stung like hell and made me bleed, when the stars disappeared from my eyes, I saw how much he enjoyed it. He was in hysterics, which then made me laugh....... He got me, so fair enough......
Finally get him out of the nightclub and he is trying to show me this new trick he learnt at football (soccer) training, next thing I knew, he was bleeding from the face and hands as he slipped and went face first into the gutter.
Finally get him into the car, bleeding and blind drunk, I'm chuckling to myself, he was putting on a great show.
On the way home he was talking to himself, calling himself a "Fucking idiot" followed a loud hiccup, then followed by telling himself to "shut the Fuck up for hiccupping!" very very funny...
This self dialogue continued for about 15 minutes until he said "pull the car over"
I did.
He chundered on his arm as he opened the door, then, all over his pants and eventually onto the grass outside.
Whilst in the midst of chucking, he still had the presence of mind to continue the dialogue with himself. "Goof..... Move your arm off the door handle ( insert hiccup) spew on the ground for fuck sake" (spews on arm again) "GOOF!!! move your arm and spew on the the floor" (spews on arm again, followed by a hiccup followed by a roar of laughter from himself at his obvious stupidity)
He finishes spewing and raises himself back into the car, looks at me...... With a spew covered hand, proceeds to give me another slap on the face, followed by another roar of laughter, followed by "why did you (insert hiccup) let me (hiccup) drink for???
This was too funny I was having a ball watching this guy fight against himself for sanity and with me for fun. Nothing funnier than someone who is drunk, but is still thinking rationally, but can't control his bodilly functions.
He undid his pants in order to help himself breathe a little easier, by the time i got him to his driveway, he was covered head to toe in spew, in a coma with his pants around his knees, bleeding from the face......
I try in vain to wake him.
I give it another 15 min... I try again
I gave him almost an hour and a half, before I had to take decisive action.
I went around the side of his house and woke his little brother, sure enough, his little bro freaked out and woke his father.
His Old man runs out in his jocks, sees me, then sees his son passed out in the car, bleeding.....
"What happened to my Boy, what happened, tell me, tell me, tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
I replied "Nothing, Uncle..... He got drunk."
He looked at me with disgust, started pointing to his brain with his index finger, turned around and went back to bed..... He left me there :eek: to deal with it.
His mum and bro come out, his mum is crying and yelling at me for letting him do this and making her cry! "shame on you shame on you shame you", she cried. I was trying to hold back the laughter, because if I laughed his mum would of laid into me for sure (my mum is playschool compared to this lady)
Anyway after all the tom foolery it was time to get this mess inside. I, along with his brother lifted him out of the car, his pants fall around ankles, spew dripping from his chin and his mum wailing in the background!!
Some how we got him to his bed, I cleaned him up with a towel and water and put him to bed.
THIS IS WHERE THE STORY BECOMES FUNNY!!!!!!
I think to myself. Where the fuck his his mother? As I thought this she reappeared with what looked like half an onion in her hand...... ( i am writing this with tears in my eyes)
She then sits her boy up and asks me to hold him.....
She then reaches for his tackle and excavates his testicles..........
She then proceeds to rub the onion vigourosly into his testicles........ (im hysterical)
I look down in horror to see my best mate's mum rubbing an onion on her son's balls, she has his balls in her hand.... This is too much.....
I shriek in laughter and now I am out of control.........
She wasn't as amused, as she then rubbed the onion into my eyes and told me to go home.
I left very quicky and walked home laughing hysterically at a night I will never forget.
He came over my joint the next day, sat very quietly and said nothing. I said so "could you smell onion when you woke this morning"? with a very big grin on my face. He said "Yeah!! I did, WTF happened"
I told him the whole story, he almost cried from embarrasment......... "My balls, my mum, onion"??????? "your taking the piss, surely"?
My mum just happened to walk past and overheard and she confirmed that it's an old tradition, when people used to pass out from booze, they would administer operation "onion balls" and apparently it's meant to sober you up.
Certainly didn't sober him up!!!!!
He ran home, obviously to ask some very serious hard hitting questions of his mother.
He is now affectionately known as "onion balls!!!"
hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
sitting around with not much to do on a sat night, looked over at my mate and said "wouldn't mind having a few beers tonight". He replied "sweet, I will drive cause I don't feel like drinking". All Set.........
We get to the night club and bumped into half of greater Sunshine, so all the lads from highschool and all likely characters were there! My mate got a little too excited, he was into his 4th beer after about 45 minutes. I noticed this and knew straight away that it would be me that was driving home. Sure enough 10 minutes later he throws me the keys and that was that.
It is now 3 in the morning and I am dog tired. I approached my mate and said, "C'mon, dickhead time to go..."
He had two beers in his hands, he looked down at his beers and then looked back at me, he asked me to hold on to them, I did this and was met with the biggest open hand slap ever. It stung like hell and made me bleed, when the stars disappeared from my eyes, I saw how much he enjoyed it. He was in hysterics, which then made me laugh....... He got me, so fair enough......
Finally get him out of the nightclub and he is trying to show me this new trick he learnt at football (soccer) training, next thing I knew, he was bleeding from the face and hands as he slipped and went face first into the gutter.
Finally get him into the car, bleeding and blind drunk, I'm chuckling to myself, he was putting on a great show.
On the way home he was talking to himself, calling himself a "Fucking idiot" followed a loud hiccup, then followed by telling himself to "shut the Fuck up for hiccupping!" very very funny...
This self dialogue continued for about 15 minutes until he said "pull the car over"
I did.
He chundered on his arm as he opened the door, then, all over his pants and eventually onto the grass outside.
Whilst in the midst of chucking, he still had the presence of mind to continue the dialogue with himself. "Goof..... Move your arm off the door handle ( insert hiccup) spew on the ground for fuck sake" (spews on arm again) "GOOF!!! move your arm and spew on the the floor" (spews on arm again, followed by a hiccup followed by a roar of laughter from himself at his obvious stupidity)
He finishes spewing and raises himself back into the car, looks at me...... With a spew covered hand, proceeds to give me another slap on the face, followed by another roar of laughter, followed by "why did you (insert hiccup) let me (hiccup) drink for???
This was too funny I was having a ball watching this guy fight against himself for sanity and with me for fun. Nothing funnier than someone who is drunk, but is still thinking rationally, but can't control his bodilly functions.
He undid his pants in order to help himself breathe a little easier, by the time i got him to his driveway, he was covered head to toe in spew, in a coma with his pants around his knees, bleeding from the face......
I try in vain to wake him.
I give it another 15 min... I try again
I gave him almost an hour and a half, before I had to take decisive action.
I went around the side of his house and woke his little brother, sure enough, his little bro freaked out and woke his father.
His Old man runs out in his jocks, sees me, then sees his son passed out in the car, bleeding.....
"What happened to my Boy, what happened, tell me, tell me, tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
I replied "Nothing, Uncle..... He got drunk."
He looked at me with disgust, started pointing to his brain with his index finger, turned around and went back to bed..... He left me there :eek: to deal with it.
His mum and bro come out, his mum is crying and yelling at me for letting him do this and making her cry! "shame on you shame on you shame you", she cried. I was trying to hold back the laughter, because if I laughed his mum would of laid into me for sure (my mum is playschool compared to this lady)
Anyway after all the tom foolery it was time to get this mess inside. I, along with his brother lifted him out of the car, his pants fall around ankles, spew dripping from his chin and his mum wailing in the background!!
Some how we got him to his bed, I cleaned him up with a towel and water and put him to bed.
THIS IS WHERE THE STORY BECOMES FUNNY!!!!!!
I think to myself. Where the fuck his his mother? As I thought this she reappeared with what looked like half an onion in her hand...... ( i am writing this with tears in my eyes)
She then sits her boy up and asks me to hold him.....
She then reaches for his tackle and excavates his testicles..........
She then proceeds to rub the onion vigourosly into his testicles........ (im hysterical)
I look down in horror to see my best mate's mum rubbing an onion on her son's balls, she has his balls in her hand.... This is too much.....
I shriek in laughter and now I am out of control.........
She wasn't as amused, as she then rubbed the onion into my eyes and told me to go home.
I left very quicky and walked home laughing hysterically at a night I will never forget.
He came over my joint the next day, sat very quietly and said nothing. I said so "could you smell onion when you woke this morning"? with a very big grin on my face. He said "Yeah!! I did, WTF happened"
I told him the whole story, he almost cried from embarrasment......... "My balls, my mum, onion"??????? "your taking the piss, surely"?
My mum just happened to walk past and overheard and she confirmed that it's an old tradition, when people used to pass out from booze, they would administer operation "onion balls" and apparently it's meant to sober you up.
Certainly didn't sober him up!!!!!
He ran home, obviously to ask some very serious hard hitting questions of his mother.
He is now affectionately known as "onion balls!!!"
hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.