Showering between the sexes

[fugsy]

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN...

- Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
- Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
- Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
- Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
- Wash your hair with cucumber and lanfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
- Wash your hair again with cucumber and aloe vera shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
- Condition your hair with cucumber and aloe vera conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
- Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
- Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
- Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure it has all come off)
- Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
- Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose water pressure.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with jiff.
- Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
- Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with tweezers/nails if found.
- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
- If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to take an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN...

- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
- Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife on the way, flash your tackle making the 'woo' sound.
- Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your dick in the mirror, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
- Get in the shower.
- Don't bother to look for a washcloth, as you don't use one.
- Wash your face, armpits and arse (not necessarily in that order).
- Wash your privates and surrounding area.
- Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
- Ignore the hair you left on the soap bar.
- Shampoo you hair
- Make a shampoo Mohawk on top of your head.
- Pull back the shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror.
- Pee in the shower.
- Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice the water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out the whole time.
- Partially dry off.
- Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire dick size.
- Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
- Leave bathroom and fan light on.
- Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife on the way, pull of the towel, grab your dick, go 'Yeah baby' and thrust your pelvis at her.
- Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

[Swamp]

Good one fugsy.

[Dr Andy]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i get it

[I_Love_Netball]

it is fun noticing the differences between women and men.

[Geelong_Sicko]

Hey Netball, as Ben's loving life partner maybe you can answer this one - who assumes what shower role in YOUR household? Does Benny smell of cucumber in the morning?

[I_Love_Netball]

We both shower together, it saves water, and it spices up our love life as i soap ben's huge dick

[Geelong_Sicko]

That's heartwarming, it really is...

[BYOB]

I shower between all my sexes.

[Keyser Soze]

Where is the piss down your cousin's leg part?

[Ljp86]

This is only going to go one way...

[Geelong_Sicko]

This is only going to go one way...

Yes. Due to gravity's influence piss would indeed only run down the leg.

[burny]

Yes. Due to gravity's influence piss would indeed only run down the leg.
What if you're doing a stand up 69 golden shower?

[Geelong_Sicko]

What if you're doing a stand up 69 golden shower?

Wow. Never thought of that one. Especially if it was done in space...

[Rubber Pants]

To the OP your Tool avatar makes me sad, you could have picked one of their many great albums instead of that shit CD full of filler.

[Mancey]

To be fair, this was probably a new thing doing the rounds back when fugsy posted it

[Ljp86]

To the OP your Tool avatar makes me sad, you could have picked one of their many great albums instead of that shit CD full of filler.

I guess you've never been to a Tool listening party then.

[valleyman]

Save water, shower together that's what my missus and I always say.

[I_Love_Netball]

Olsen and Corin lived by that motto, valleyman.

[valleyman]

its a fucking good motto ILN

[Rubber Pants]

To be fair, this was probably a new thing doing the rounds back when fugsy posted it

Oh fuck you Swampy you cunt I should have looked at the post date :o

And no I've never been to a TOOL listening party but I've heard about them. TOOL albums have always had a little bit of filler but about 70% of 10,000 days (or 7,000 of those days) was utter garbage. I loved Vicarious but the rest was a lot.... meh.

[crackers57]

I guess you've never been to a Tool listening party then.



And no I've never been to a TOOL listening party but I've heard about them.

Apparently they can be used as a valid excuse to miss a TLC drinks night :thumbsu:

[Rubber Pants]

Apparently they can be used as a valid excuse to miss a TLC drinks night :thumbsu:

Before 10,000 days I'd say yes after 10,000 days I'd probably still say yes but with less conviction.

[crackers57]

Before 10,000 days I'd say yes after 10,000 days I'd probably still say yes but with less conviction.

Fucked if i remember which album Dog was using as an excuse......but there was very little conviction

[Hugh Jorgen]

Fucked if i remember which album Dog was using as an excuse......but there was very little conviction

If he was listening to Aenima that would definitely be a valid excuse. One of the best albums of all time.

Lateralus maybe a valid excuse as well but not 10,000 Days.

[burny]

Oh fuck you Swampy you cunt I should have looked at the post date :o

And no I've never been to a TOOL listening party but I've heard about them. TOOL albums have always had a little bit of filler but about 70% of 10,000 days (or 7,000 of those days) was utter garbage. I loved Vicarious but the rest was a lot.... meh.
I agree whole heartedly. The only decent song was Vicarious and maybe Jambi.

Wanna throw on some Viginti Trees? FUCK YEAH TURN THAT SHIT UP.

[Optimax]

Lols man why dont i come on here drunk