We can't work it out .

[jimmy35]

http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,5278404,00.jpg


HEATHER Mills has accused estranged husband Sir Paul McCartney of violent attacks, including once stabbing her with a broken glass.

Ms Mills claims the former Beatle once tried to choke her when she asked if he'd smoked marijuana, and on another occasion pushed her into a bath when she was four weeks pregnant with their child.

ASKED her not to breast-feed, saying, "They are my breasts", and on another occasion, "I don't want a mouthful of breast milk".
DRANK excessively and used illegal drugs despite promising before the pair married that he wouldn't.
OBJECTED to amputee Ms Mills using a bedpan to save her crawling to the toilet at night.
FORCED his wife to defer an important operation because it interfered with his holiday plans.
GRABBED her neck during a row and pushed her over a coffee table.
INSISTED Ms Mills make dinner for him every night.
DIRECTED a bodyguard and driver to abandon Ms Mills after a Rome concert, forcing her to walk 30 minutes to a hotel.


"At 10pm (he) returned home staggering drunk and slurring his words, demanding his dinner," the documents claim.
"That evening (Ms Mills) realised the marriage had irretrievably broken down and left, crawling on her hands and knees while dragging her wheelchair, crutches and basic personal possessions to the car."

The allegations that McCartney acted in a "vindictive and punitive" manner are part of Ms Mills' attempt to win a sizeable share of McCartney's $2.5 billion fortune.




I don't think she has a leg to stand on .

[Roger the Cabin Boy]

INSISTED Ms Mills make dinner for him every night.

The poor dear!

(Conveniently ignores the claimed abuse to focus on the trivial. :thumbsu: )

[Ljp86]

Most of it is probably crap if not all of it.

She's just a fucking golddigger.

[Roger the Cabin Boy]

OBJECTED to amputee Ms Mills using a bedpan to save her crawling to the toilet at night.


Has this woman heard of crutches?

[Captain Sensible]

Why did she drag her chair and crutches behind her when she did a runner? Why not just climb in.


That sounds as likely as the story my dad used to tell me about how he had to carry the horse to school because it was lame.

[Roger the Cabin Boy]

No doubt anyone with 2.5 b is going to be a bit of a ****, but seriously give the lady $10mil and send her on her way.

[PowerKat]

Seriously - serves him right for getting sucked in by her. He should have listened to Stella.

[Roger the Cabin Boy]

That sounds as likely as the story my dad used to tell me about how he had to carry the horse to school because it was lame.Or the story of how I carry the whole BigFooty moderating team because they are lame.

[Madd Matt]

That sounds as likely as the story my dad used to tell me about how he had to carry the horse to school because it was lame.
Your Dad was lucky. My dad says that they had to dig up someone else's dead horse to carry to school! :p

[Captain Sensible]

Your Dad was lucky. My dad says that they had to dig up someone else's dead horse to carry to school! :p




He used to have a sheep in each pocket because they couldnt afford gloves.

[Captain Sensible]

Or the story of how I carry the whole BigFooty moderating team because they are lame.



Pfffft. We all know who the lame moderator is on BF.

[Roger the Cabin Boy]

Yeah, Borgsta. :thumbsd:

[Captain Sensible]

Yeah, Borgsta. :thumbsd:


Fucking basketball loving, bath taking shirt wearer he is.

[Roger the Cabin Boy]

Anyway I have received a lengthy email on this topic:


It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg. Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his wife Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will
need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on a
relationship like this"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand on.

Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may have been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause. "Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at night and find her legless"

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try Paul McCartney"

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.

These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please. Now she has left him, he will struggle to find another woman who can fill her shoe