The 2009 HBK Coola Cordial Npower Ashes Series Thread.

[Bob.]

The official TLC Ashes Thread :thumbsu:

[thegrach]

Fuck you you stinking Poms, and fuck you Pietersen you self absorbed chicken fucker.

[Bob.]

Fuck you KP, you self absorbed fuckwit, hope you get hit in the fucking ribs again you fuckwit.

[Whacker]

Boys that should be kept in here

http://limboclub.com/forum/showthread.php?t=73920

[Bob.]

Mine has a better title though ;).

[yssup_MasTr]

Aussies 2/90 odd against England 2nd XI
Hughes out to Harmison for 7 gloving a ball to gully (was also hit on the helmet)
Ponting out for 1 to Onions
Katich 50*
Hussey 30-40odd* (Should of been out PLUMB LBW)

[Ron]

North only made one run, and there would have to be some real doubt now about him playing the first test.

[HBK619]

Wow 2 threads in a month. I think I have a stalker...:)

[peternorth]

EPIC FAIL:

http://cricket.com.au/default.aspx?s=news-display&id=16542

nathan horrible hauritz blog.

[crackalackin']

nathan horrible hauritz blog.

FIRST TEST
Day 1: Got carted all over the ground
Day 2: Got carted all over the ground
Day 3: Got carted all over the ground
Day 4: Got lucky and scored some runs, should hold my spot for Second Test
Day 5: Got carted all over the ground

SECOND TEST
Day 1: Got carted all over the ground
Day 2: Got carted all over the ground
Day 3: Got carted all over the ground
Day 4: Got lucky and scored some runs, should hold my spot for Third Test
Day 5: Got carted all over the ground


And so on and so forth...

[Roddy Woomble]

Who will take more wickets? Hauritz or Lee? :eek:

[thegrach]

If we bowl for 4 days we are in deep shit.

[peternorth]

Who will take more wickets? Hauritz or Lee? :eek:

http://www.popsci.com/files/imagecache/article_image_large/files/articles/suicide-booth.jpg

[crackalackin']

If we bowl for 4 days we are in deep shit.

If Hauritz plays, then we bowl for four days...

[peternorth]

If Hauritz plays, then we bowl for four days...

if horrible or lee plays we're fucked

[Hugh Jorgen]

If Hauritz plays, then we bowl for four days...

At the rate Hauritz gets smacked around, it should take the Poms no more than 3 days to get whatever runs they need.

Still don't know how the fuck they picked him ahead of Krezja and McGain. They would probably get smacked around too but at least they may have taken a few wickets as well.

[Kingy]

http://www.popsci.com/files/imagecache/article_image_large/files/articles/suicide-booth.jpg

Constantly quality from Pete.

Hauritz is shit - is it just me, or does he bowl too flat and fast? Where is the loop and drift?

[Ron]

So England A are now 5 wickets down, and Lee has all 5 wickets.

Doesn't take a genius to work out we need him in the test team, Johnson clearly has no idea how to bowl over there, and Siddle has the massive handicap of being a Victorian.

We need Lee to win this test series.

[peternorth]

So England A are now 5 wickets down, and Lee has all 5 wickets.

Doesn't take a genius to work out we need him in the test team, Johnson clearly has no idea how to bowl over there, and Siddle has the massive handicap of being a Victorian.

We need Lee to win this test series.

we needed lee against them 4 years ago. he was brilliant, smiling and patting the poms on the back. lee took 5 wickets against a team that would be on par with the kiwis

he gave that moore (?) a pat on the back when he hit his century (off lee). you wouldnt see thommo, lillee, mcgrath, warne or even bruce reid do that.

[Hugh Jorgen]

Looks like Lee has booked his spot for the test team.

Surely they can't pick Hauritz after going wicketless again. Both North & Katich have taken more wickets than him from just a few overs.

[Kingy]

we needed lee against them 4 years ago. he was brilliant, smiling and patting the poms on the back. lee took 5 wickets against a team that would be on par with the kiwis

he gave that moore (?) a pat on the back when he hit his century (off lee). you wouldnt see thommo, lillee, mcgrath, warne or even bruce reid do that.

He's still fucking doing that?

AB was on Inside Cricket or something a while back saying he absolutely hated how friendly we were with them, and he wanted to see the hatred and desperation to smash the Poms back.

Ricky needs to tell Lee to pull his fucking head in - if some pommy hack smashes you for a ton, you don't pat him on the back, you fucking bounce him and try and make him a soozie.

[thegrach]

Or spit at him and tell about the anal sex you and his wife had on the team bus on the way to the ground this morning.

[peternorth]

Or spit at him and tell about the anal sex you and his wife had on the team bus on the way to the ground this morning.

if you do that the only result youll get is this

http://blogs.abc.net.au/photos/firstclass_final/brett_lee2.jpg

[peternorth]

could you imagine this bloke smiling like a fag during a test match?

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00835/hughes_280x390_835806a.jpg

[peternorth]

furthermore courtesy of the magic paper the sun:

"Boycott? Bounce the c***, Edrich? Bounce the c***, Willis? Slog the c***, Underwood? B***** tight - hard to get away. Slog the c***!" Ian Chappell addresses an Australian team meeting.

"I've faced bigger, uglier bowlers than you, mate - now f**k off and bowl the next one." Aussie legend Allan Border to England seamer Angus Fraser.

[thegrach]

Ha, how good was AB. Grumpy bastard.

[peternorth]

Ha, how good was AB. Grumpy bastard.

i think it was in the 89 ashes when border told mcdermott to stop being a sook and fuckin go home, and that was in a tour game!

bring him back as coach i reckon. he'll straighten out the ghey disease that has infiltrated the aussie team.

[Kingy]

furthermore courtesy of the magic paper the sun:

"Boycott? Bounce the c***, Edrich? Bounce the c***, Willis? Slog the c***, Underwood? B***** tight - hard to get away. Slog the c***!" Ian Chappell addresses an Australian team meeting.

"I've faced bigger, uglier bowlers than you, mate - now f**k off and bowl the next one." Aussie legend Allan Border to England seamer Angus Fraser.

Also told Deano to harden the fuck up during that Test in India where Deano made a fuckload, and was throwing his guts up during the innings and wanted to retire, something like, "Healy is in next, so you fucking retire and piss off, get a Queenslander out here, he wont be a fucking girl like you!!" LtD himself would be proud.

Also love the one where a batsman asked him if he could have a drink during overs, AB told him something like "This isn't a fucking tea party you ****, you can have a drink when the rest of us do, now shut the fuck up and go face up."

[Kingy]

"Fast" Fanie de Villiers, the former Proteas tearaway paceman, had them howling at Saturday's SCG members' breakfast when he recalled a spiteful home series against Australia, which resulted in Brian "Gerard" McMillan pulling a gun on Allan Border. McMillan and de Villiers took exception to repeated sledges by Border's team and entered the visitors' dressing room and threatened to take the skirmish off the field if they persisted. Predictably, the sledges only grew louder and more personal and so McMillan borrowed a security guard's rifle, charged into the Australian rooms and demanded: "Where is Allan Border?" The skipper leapt on to his seat clutching the lockers before he realised the big South African was pulling a prank.


Fuck yea.

We better sledge non-stop this Series - should get Warney over there as our sledging coach.

[Hugh Jorgen]

i think it was in the 89 ashes when border told mcdermott to stop being a sook and fuckin go home, and that was in a tour game!

bring him back as coach i reckon. he'll straighten out the ghey disease that has infiltrated the aussie team.

That was the '93 Ashes series, when Border cracked the shits at McDermott and threatened to send him home. I think he ended up going home early on that tour with a burst appendix anyway, the soft cunt. Merv ended up carrying the attack that series with a fucked knee.

Ironically Border was criticised for being too friendly with the Poms when he first became captain and we were losing. Which is why from 1989 onwards he became Captain Grumpy and we started beating them again. Lee needs to do the same.

Fuck yea.

We better sledge non-stop this Series - should get Warney over there as our sledging coach.

We've probably lost all our best sledgers now - Warney, Steve Waugh, McGrath, Hayden & Symonds.

Not sure who in the current team is up to their sledging standard. Can't see someone like Hauritz doing much sledging when he's getting smacked around the park with figures of 0 for 120.

[peternorth]

Not sure who in the current team is up to their sledging standard. Can't see someone like Hauritz doing much sledging when he's getting smacked around the park with figures of 0 for 120.

let's go through them shall we:

hughes - if he keeps going out early he should can it
katich - they'd laugh at him cause he's boring and cracked the shits when not asked to bowl more
ponting - sledger
clarke - poof. if he tries to sledge everyone (including his team mates) will laugh at him
hussey - too nice
haddin - take some fuckin catches u cuntload
johnson - gun, can say what he wants
lee - poof like clarke
siddle - the only one who when sledges would cause the poms nightmares
clark - nerd

hauritz - fucking shitiest player ever. worse than gavin robertson

[Travyo]

Probably Katich, that's it, only dude in the team right now who is a hard c*nt and sledges, but his back is too sore :(

[BuzzKillington]

If the ex-woodchopper proud Victorian cant sledge, then there's no hope left for any of em. I bet he'd have a fuckin filthy mouth on him :thumbsu:

[Curtis Stone]

Maybe Ben should be rolling the arm over. Might need him to churn out a few chinaman's with the state of our spinning stocks ATM.

Someone should probably get onto Facebook and pop something on his wall. Tell him to warm up. :thumbsu:

[thegrach]

He is a level 1 coach you know Hoff. Maybe we should get him over there as captain/coach.

[Ron]

Our chances have taken a massive blow with our best bowler being ruled out of the first two test matches.

Brett Lee has a side strain, and this is a massive loss.

Will struggle now for 20 wickets with a wozzie and a vic leading the attack.

[thegrach]

Our chances have taken a massive blow with our best bowler being ruled out of the first two test matches.

Brett Lee has a side strain, and this is a massive loss.

Will struggle now for 20 wickets with a wozzie and a vic leading the attack.
Is Johnson out as well?

[Hugh Jorgen]

Fuck me, Lee finally starts bowling well for the first time in ages and now he breaks down with a soft injury. Shane Watson should sue him for breach of copyright.

At least that should give Hilfenhaus a chance now as he was probably the one that would have missed out. There is no way they should play Hauritz even with Lee out, I'd rather they played the Ranga ahead of him.

[Cletus Van Damme]

My bets so far:

$20 on Hughes at $8.20 for most series runs.
$10 on Hilfenhaus at $29 for most series wickets.

[Jather Fack]

Did anyone hear the commentators going on about how CA sent all the players a letter telling them not to sledge? What fucking sport are we playing? Fucking lawn bowls? I'd wager those old cunts out on the rink would give the poms some shit though.

[Curtis Stone]

Our chances have taken a massive blow with our best bowler being ruled out of the first two test matches.

Brett Lee has a side strain, and this is a massive loss.

Will struggle now for 20 wickets with a wozzie and a vic leading the attack.

Instead we replace him with our worst (ironically a NSW boy as well).

[Ron]

Instead we replace him with our worst (ironically a NSW boy as well).

3-90 odd

Siddle 2-one million or so at about 5 an over

Yeah i know who was our worst.

[Curtis Stone]

3-90 odd

Siddle 2-one million or so at about 5 an over

Yeah i know who was our worst.

Shit gets wickets.

Pietersen got himself out to a shit shot from a shit ball. Anderson and Panesar don't even count. :thumbsd:

But yeah, his first class average of 47 is pretty awesome. :thumbsu:

Katich & North both have better averages and Clarke is almost identical. :o

Fail.

Fuck. Even McGain would be better.

[Cletus Van Damme]

My bets so far:

$20 on Hughes at $8.20 for most series runs.
$10 on Hilfenhaus at $29 for most series wickets.

Bump :thumbsu::thumbsu::thumbsu::thumbsu::thumbsu: