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I'm about to make love to a woman

Discussion in 'The Main Board but with less BAWW about Essendrug' started by Vlad2Gilligan, Jun 24, 2012.

  1. Vlad2Gilligan

    Vlad2Gilligan Diminutive Genitalia

    First time between us.

    Thought it would make a good OP.

    Shes cuteish. 7/10. Maybe 6/10 if you harsh.

    Been 4 mtnhs since last bish.

  2. Dan

    Dan (๏ Y ๏)

  3. Blitzer

    Blitzer "The GOATSE vs the True GOATSE" Umpire

    Give her one in the arse for me! :thumbsu:
  4. Mancey

    Mancey Waiting for the Price Drop Stiff Member

    ....Or it didn't happen
  5. Not Roddy

    Not Roddy Dirty Newbie

    Strong first post
  6. Gus

    Gus Umpire

    all downhill from here
  7. Hoffy

    Hoffy Geelong are a, c & g Umpire

    If u spill seed anywhere near her, she will pragnent.

    Be very careful and control your boners!
  8. Nathan Horsecock

    Nathan Horsecock I am a famous racehorse! Umpire

    Must be a good angle
  9. dmc333

    dmc333 harry and kittens and love Umpire

    Put Hamish on the spit I take it?
  10. Jather Fack

    Jather Fack gets! frocked! Umpire

    well, at least the dipping of the toe in the tls water went well.
  11. Vlad2Gilligan

    Vlad2Gilligan Diminutive Genitalia

    Best tits I've ever sucked (and after that housemate a few years ago I never thought I'd say that again).

    But I'm just no good with the one-night stand thing.

    I don't know why I continue to covet casual sex. Every time I pick up a chick I feel empty the next day (unless it is a fat chick in which case I don't feel empty at all for some reason). And generally the better the night before the more empty I feel afterwards.

    One of the many reasons why Sunday nights are usually the worst time of the week for me.

    Like right now, I'm posting on TLS of all places. That's how empty I feel.

    Fair enough if you are a boring, married man with an unfulfilling work/homelife, sure, post away on TLS on a Sunday night. What else are you going to do to distract yourself from the magnitude of the difference between where you thought your life would be and where it actually is?

    But when a single, fit, worldly young man on holidays is posting in here after a pretty solid success the night before, something just aint right.

    If there were any alcohol in the house I would just get drunk, smoke up, and watch a few episodes of Trailer Park Boys until passing out on my floor. Those were the good old days. Waking up in front of the heater, tim tam packets empty in the bin, the episode with Cyrus replaying over and over on the computer. Back when I used to have hope that one day I would bed multiple sexy women and it would make me happy. Now I know the truth: it doesn't. And there is no grog in the house.

    Can't even go run a nice warm bath and light some scented candles to relax. Our house has one of those large spa bath things that take too much water to fill. Which is kinda symbolic in a way: whoever decided to install the spa bath probably had dreams that it would make him happier than a regular bath could when, in reality, the greater and grander the bath, the more empty it is likely to sit.

    I know what I'll do. I'll go and do the dishes that have been piling up while I've been on this bender and put my favourite songs by Ingrid Michaelson on in the background. If I get through her cover of Over the Rainbow without shedding a tear, maybe I really have moved on. The hard part will come next: trying to determine what it is that I have finally moved on from.
    Harley likes this.
  12. Ron

    Ron Dirty Newbie


  13. _JC_

    _JC_ Do you take plastic?

    dafuq is this shit?
  14. Incontinet Rob

    Incontinet Rob Time to hit the road

    Maybe if you just shat your pants or something, then I'd agree.
  15. Picko99

    Picko99 What's got you so jumpy?? Umpire

  16. Mr Percival

    Mr Percival Beard up, it's just so hipster Umpire

    Hai Davo, we missed you.
  17. Gus

    Gus Umpire

    I don't remember Davo being so egotistical.
  18. Blitzer

    Blitzer "The GOATSE vs the True GOATSE" Umpire

    Can't say I know of him that well but from what I remember he was on reasonable terms with himself.
  19. Nathan Horsecock

    Nathan Horsecock I am a famous racehorse! Umpire

    Oh, I see fairdinkum has signed up here.
  20. crackers57

    crackers57 TLC Immortal

    Hmmmmm I see someone else who is too worldly and sophisticated for TLC has signed up and is posting on TLC :cool:
  21. Gina Rinehart

    Gina Rinehart Thick as pigshit

    First rule of platos cave never talk about sunshine or ducks
  22. Mancey

    Mancey Waiting for the Price Drop Stiff Member

  23. Nathan Horsecock

    Nathan Horsecock I am a famous racehorse! Umpire

    Picked it!
  24. Vlad2Gilligan

    Vlad2Gilligan Diminutive Genitalia

    So you should have.

    You're such a FD fanboi you have been PMing him for months begging him to sign up to TLS.

    If you spent as much time mirin great thinkers like Nietzsche as you do hating (but secretly mirin) FD you might be enjoying your life enough to not need to hate on random dudes on the net to get your kicks in life.

    Just sayin.
  25. crackers57

    crackers57 TLC Immortal

    Not enough substance for mine
  26. FarQue

    FarQue Bunga Bunga Umpire

    You 'covet' casual sex? Covet, you say?

    My best guess is you're a latent homosexual in denial. HTFU and seek the wise counsel of TLC members. Except for Syd who is a cunt.

    Also you need to post less and less about words like covet. The rest of your post was awesome. Keep posting and a big welcome from FarQue:thumbsu:
  27. crackers57

    crackers57 TLC Immortal

    Don't listen to Farquey, he's usually drunk by now.
  28. FarQue

    FarQue Bunga Bunga Umpire

    I have stopped drinking in the morning crackers. I started a thread about it a while ago, because it left me feeling empty.
  29. Syd

    Syd TLC Original Stiff Member Stiff Member Umpire

    Sometimes it pays to read your post farqs.

    Still smarting over the Terry Wallace jibe eh? ;)
  30. FarQue

    FarQue Bunga Bunga Umpire

    Water off a ducks back Syd. I take comfort in the fact sydney are our bitches:cool:
  31. Syd

    Syd TLC Original Stiff Member Stiff Member Umpire

    Pity you never get to play us in September then.
  32. Swamp


    Fairdinkum loves himself intently
  33. peternorth

    peternorth Umpire

  34. JockStewart

    JockStewart DELETED @Users Request

    This cunts become unbearable on Bigfooty now. He has over taken silent alarm. The cunt needs to be hurt badly.

    Every post of his now is 4 paragraphs long using big words and paragraphs to explain something that could have been explained in a few words or sentences. In a way he is the dermott brereton of bigfooty in the way he over uses words.
  35. Gus

    Gus Umpire

    and the constant arse kissing of other posters.
  36. JockStewart

    JockStewart DELETED @Users Request

    I didnt mind him last year but in the last few months he has caught massive ass burgers.
  37. Kipz

    Kipz i make it rain Umpire

    so, um.... how did that go?
  38. Vlad2Gilligan

    Vlad2Gilligan Diminutive Genitalia

    Fuck, they were the good old days.

    This whole quitting alcohol thing has been tremendous but now that I don't hate Sundays anymore, every week blends into the next so seamlessly that time disappears.

    Good bump.
  39. SonOfReep

    SonOfReep Administrator Stiff Member

    OP is a faggot
    NOT MrAaron likes this.
  40. Tex21

    Tex21 Change this bitch Umpire

    4 months? Amateur.
  41. Admiral Afterworld

    Admiral Afterworld Administrator

  42. Geelong_Sicko

    Geelong_Sicko proud Enemy of Israel Umpire

    Anyone who says, types or even THINKS this is either a fucking liar, is heavily into sarcasm or has purchased his or her new life direct from the poofter store. And got overcharged.
  43. Nathan Horsecock

    Nathan Horsecock I am a famous racehorse! Umpire

    They will probably never get sucked off by a man by mistake though, so at least they have that..
  44. Geelong_Sicko

    Geelong_Sicko proud Enemy of Israel Umpire

    I reckon my tale of fellatic woe intrigues people more than they let on, spud. I really do. It's like a group of grade sixers crowding around one of their mates who has gone 'all the way' and fingered his first girlfriend. There's wonder. There's unspoken fears. There's the realisation that this is not a mere 'stinkfinger' prank. Kid gets the barbs and rides the scorn but deep down they're all wondering...
    Blitzer and Chad Kroeger like this.
  45. Burt

    Burt TLC Legend

    Sweet self-justification there Sicko. Keep believing, mate.
  46. Gus

    Gus Umpire

    I hadn't even pashed a chick in grade 6 and you were already fingering them?
  47. JockStewart

    JockStewart DELETED @Users Request

    Kids these days.
  48. jaxxon

    jaxxon ... Umpire

    Don't worry, he wasn't talking about chicks.
    Starburns and Gus like this.
  49. Vlad2Gilligan

    Vlad2Gilligan Diminutive Genitalia

    I used to think the same way back when I was basically a part-time drunk. But once you've seen and done the things I have on the piss, you realise that it really isn't a good drug for some people. And in some cases, like mine, you realise that you are one of those people.

    I genuinely don't know what will happen when/if I get back on the stuff. I read a story on some online forum of a guy who was off it for years, got back on during baseball celebrations and disappeared for a week - nobody knew what happened to him until he turned up a mess. After a brief and effective rehab he was fine but his missus made him quit the team and they never were allowed to see him again. That could easily be me.

    I know there are some older, more well-traveled dudes on this forum who have seen and done way cooler/wilder shit than me. Fair play to them. But I doubt there's any cunts here who have woken up with no memory from the night before, on the other side of town to where they last remember having been, only to find a police report on their front porch from the night before with their particulars and signature on it. Not even a second of memory of dealing with the police, but a carbon copy of a police report on the front porch.

    Funny to look back on but kinda scary too. I envy you dudes who can get on the piss and never do dumb shit like that. I thought that if I put up with the bad stuff for long enough eventually I would come good. And I would think stuff like what you posted in that quote above.
  50. BigMc

    BigMc Blanket mover

    Ignoring alcohol faggotory(faggot factory), and getting back on topic. alcohol alchohol


    What's going on?


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